This Valuable Truth

Sunday, March 10

There is no greater blessing than having parents who love and care for you. 

Being told the truth — that you can do anything you set your mind to, and that it’s okay and valuable to be you — is one of the greatest and highest goods we can have. 

Most of us have not enjoyed this blessing.

Most of our parents have faced the blunt harshness of life, and have been subject to the thought of their generation. We’ve been shielded from the fullest extent of the psychological battles our parents have endured. None of us chose to be enlisted by them either. There is no way for us to have seen the things they have seen, to understand all of the ways they have been shaped into who they have become. 

I’ve certainly had to heal from the way I’ve been treated. My dad and mom have had their fair share of ongoing battles, from being afflicted by mental illness, to navigating the grueling chaos of immigrating in pursuit of the American dream, and my siblings and I, while given so much, most definitely got caught in the fray. Nevertheless, despite their shortcomings and the simple fact that they did not say the things I needed to hear growing up, despite it all, their love was strong and pure enough for me to have grown into a man who can now, independently at thirty, find the words I needed, and say those words to myself, and to others. And this growth came, at least in part, out of their love. 

My parents own this beachfront timeshare in Sint Maarten. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to wake up at 6:47 AM today and walk ten feet and feel the sand between my toes by 6:50, let tears pool in my eyes as my toes dipped into that dark blue morning sea, and witness how mother earth would hold me in her waves close by the shore. It is an incredible gift and blessing. 

My parents didn't ‘come from money.’ But here they were, walking as one of the property owners on this expensive all-bought-up part of the island, eating at the resort restaurant among the other travelers, and chatting with each other about avoiding the most expensive thing on the menu, and I couldn’t help but look at my mom, and dad, and feel a surge of pride for them.

Sending you this light wherever you are.

In the weeks and months before this one, I had been burned out by so many things. Partially, from feeling like I’m not reaching my potential. I have this unfulfilling job. This is so ridiculous. I’m better than this. I want to be on a beach somewhere. In fact, I’m entitled to be on that beach. I’m from the islands. There’s no good reason that people from other nations should own parts of another country. If only I were successful. If only I could compose more scores. If only I had more. If only I had more confidence in my sense of self, to create the art I know I can, so that I can ‘get’ the things I deserve. If only we lived in a society that held Love, not capital, as the genuine social value. And there I would have been, left with thoughts like that, for so long. 

But instead, I look up and find myself here. I’ve made my dream of being on an island come true for the first time, and the trip wouldn’t have been this nice without the achievements of my parents. My morning at the beach made me determined to not waste too much time wallowing and feeling sorry for myself, and instead to very carefully learn how this world works. To appreciate how we have inherited the goodness of a hundred billion human hearts who have lived before us. To honor the painful advancements that have made it possible for me to share this beach with the rest of the technological world. 

Human beings have a long way to go to restore balance, and usher in a spirit of sharing and protecting this rare great earth, and create an economic system that reflects the recent major improvements of our moral thinking. But at the same time, we should not dismiss the global trends that indicate things are becoming better for everyone, despite what the news and social media would have us conclude.¹

When I get back home to the city, I’ll have to fight for a new apartment, just as I’ve fought for my new job, and it’ll be messy and, knowing myself, I’ll feel pangs from the brutal unfairness of it all. But then, I’ll remember that life, this gift, is a struggle, and that all of us,

even the ones we are jealous of,

have suffering,

and that everyone needs help, 

including ourselves, 

and that it is worth it to fight for a better life,

yes for the ones we care about, 

but especially,

for yourself.

And I credit the love and life of my mom and dad for helping me see and understand this valuable truth.

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It feels great to share my writings with you again. Thank you, as always, for your attention.

1. See Toby Ord’s 2020 book, The Precipice: Existential Risk and the Future of Humanity. Bjørn Lomborg also publishes on this.